Now Santa sends the stuff Fedex,

(Mrs. Santa wacked the sleigh), 

His Little List's a Rolodex,

And S-Claus pimps a BBJ;


Instead of carols Santa's 

Into Hootchy Kootchy;

He jets to Nassau (the Atlantis),

Where Rudolf parties down in Gucci;


He mosh around with Britney,

Who hotter now than Prancer;

Santa peace out on the Jitney:

Dude, the Hamptons be the answer,


Smoke some kill and wack the punk,

Deck the juice and kick the snows

Dat yall Christmas reindeer crunk,

And pop trunk on dem jizzy hoes.